Becoming the wall

I stepped into last class expecting more or less what was discussed - one or two performances, followed by discussion, followed by the forever-delayed Robert Wilson video. My attitude was less than stellar - I was tired, hungry, stressed, and wanted the day to be over.

The first thing I noticed upon entering the room was that Devin was wearing earplugs and holding an airhorn. This worried me - as a musician I don't take my hearing for granted - but decided that as long as I had the option to cover my ears there wouldn't be a problem. I sat and waited for everyone to arrive, the initial class announcements, and the performance to begin.

The first fifteen minutes of the reading was fascinating to me on many levels. I wondered about Devin's intent, whether there would be a change, and the role of the airhorn, which was sitting on the floor. I watched the class's reaction as they pondered similar questions. Some initial restlessness grew and faded as realization dawned that the piece wasn't ending anytime soon, and we all seemed to lean back in our chairs and relax.

It was at this point that my thoughts began to drift. The quietly-spoken, random words took on a sort of trance-inducing rhythm, and my thoughts wandered far away from the building. At first the threat of the airhorn kept me at least semi-present, but after another thirty or so minutes I forgot even about that.

I never actually fell asleep, but I was deeply daydreaming. Over an hour into the performance and I decided to check the time on my phone, which snapped me back to reality. The dynamic in the room had changed - it seemed everyone's attention was much more fixed on Devin than before. I realized that there was some form of tension - had he made a motion I had missed? I watched, and not long after he made a false reach toward the airhorn, and the tension increased even more. While I was lost in my own thoughts, a hostage situation had developed.

For me, I was being kept not only from leaving, in fear of setting off the airhorn, but also from losing focus, in case I missed my chance to cover my ears. I followed Joe's direction and preemptively stuck my fingers in - I did not want to be caught off guard. I noticed at this point Devin seemed to get more uncomfortable - the tension was switching to the other side. Now the audience was expecting something, was acting slightly irritated, and Devin was in response acting more uncomfortable - speeding up, making faces, not hiding the struggle it was becoming to continue. Not long after, the airhorn went off, Daryl left the room, and the mood shifted yet again.

After the airhorn blasts I made a decision. The piece was fascinating, but I realized that it was unlikely to end. I gave it a few more minutes to see if a big finish was coming, and when the feeling of the room fell back to it's previous place, I left. Part of me was driven for the need to use the restroom, and the other part of me was tired of sitting, and afraid of missing the next use of the airhorn.

A while later the class convened in the hallway. Corinne was irritated about not being able to do her performance, and was encouraged to do it anyway. She took off, and we discussed the piece. It was decided that it was unlikely to end within the class period, but our discussions of leaving were cut short when we realized that Corinne was performing.

Corinne's destruction of the pumpkin became much more interesting as a contrast to Devin than a performance itself. The mess, the colors, and jagged and violent actions were a fantastic foil to calming repetition. She was obviously driven by anger at not getting to perform the way she wanted to, but it added a new dimension to Devin's work by forcing him into the background - his endurance, while impressive, was becoming part of the wall, something less noticed than used as a frame of reference. This continued with Daryl's recitations, even moreso - I was now paying attention almost fully to Daryl, and Devin's presence I only noticed once or twice as an amusement.

After all the action, when things returned normal, I was suddenly bored. I barely noticed Devin - he had become part of the wall, and I felt as if I was sitting in an empty room. I thought of the waiting rooms in Doctor's offices. This turned from boring to stressful, as I was now thinking about everything I had to do outside of class. With one last glace at Professor Gort (who had obviously long since decided to not give any indication), I left.

Some thoughts on 10/22...

My performance last Thursday was predominantly centered on endurance, anticipation, dedication and time perception. The performance was designed mainly as an event or ordeal that I decided, as the performer, I was going to go through. What initially began as an idea for a (pre-determined) full text reading was scaled down to a 300 hundred-page reading or skimming (for practical reasons, I couldn’t accommodate for the time that it would take to complete the whole book in one sitting), where, for the most part, only prepositions and conjunctions would be spoken. As far as the structure of the performance, for every fifty pages that was read or covered there were three sets of air horn shots. In total, it took more than nine hours to finish.

Overall, I wanted to create a performance where I attempted to be completely dedicated to a seemingly senseless action and for the most part, except for a few key choices, I didn't really want to take the audience into consideration. When the performance began I tried to pretend as though the class wasn't there so that I wouldn't be tempted to make certain decisions such as sounding the air horn at an inappropriate time or speeding up or slowing down the reading, and aside from a few glances, I really didn't notice many reactions except for when a few people left the room. After the first three sets of air horn shots I placed the air horn on the ground and this seemed to signal the end of my performance because Corrine and Daryl began doing separate performances. I expected this to happen since I had already been going for what seemed like an hour and the annoyance of the air horn seemed to have ceased. I didn’t pay attention to either performance though I did catch snippets of Daryl’s dialogue, which made it hard to concentrate. As time progressed it became much harder to locate prepositions in the text and my memorization of the 48 most commonly used prepositions was beginning to fail.

After everyone left the room I continued, and remained in my chair until I was finished. The only change made was that I decided to use a pair of earplugs since there wasn’t anyone left in the room. Initially I was going to use ear plugs throughout the whole performance but decided before I started that I wasn’t going to because I felt that if the audience was going to have to endure it then I should have to as well. Also, my hearing is one of the most important things to me and I’m willing to compromise a performance in order maintain it. As far as how the rest of the performance proceeded, it became much more interesting due mostly to the absence of a clock, the uncertainty of how long it would take to finish, and the fact that I was very exhausted. Over the course of the next six and a half hours (maybe more?) while maintaining my initial demeanor, I went through intense waves of confidence, anxiety, anger and uncertainty. There were moments where the reading became incredibly difficult for me and then there were long stretches where I was reading as though I were an automaton until it was time to sound the horn, which felt louder each time I had to use it.

Overall this experience felt as though it was a work in progress, a test, or practice for future events. There were elements that seemed to work very well and others, due to poor planning and time constraints, didn’t go the way I saw them going. I am pleased that I was able to complete the goal that I set before myself and learned a lot about what I am capable of and what I may be able to do in the future.

my reflections...yours?

Some thoughts.
I learned a lot about myself during class. I was acutely aware of my role, the passage of time, stimulation or lack of stimulation and how that impacted my perceptions.

Soon after Devin began I realized I was going to surrender my role as professor to that of audience member and in doing so would be an equal audience member with no special privileges. I realized this because of the determination Devin displayed and how he, in fact, was neutralizing my role by the role he inhabited as performer.

There were initial moments when I realized this was going to be an endurance test and when I doubted this, I recalled that this was the guy doing his research presentation on Hsieh (the artist who spent a year in self-imposed solitary confinement). I thought this ironic and appropriate. It also made me smile. There were a number of times during the evening that made me smile.

The performance itself presented some interesting observations. The book (of doorstop proportions) was covered with brown paper, like book covers I used to make in grammar school. It is also how adult literature is sent through the postal service. I initially perceived this performance in terms of redaction - a censored text with things missing and blacked out - information withheld - the absence in the reading of nouns, verbs and adjectives. This text was rendered anonymous and meaningless by these deletions. So it became inconsequential and attention was then focused on inflection, body language and nuance of rhythm, cadence and DURATION. The presence of the air horn at first was token but as Devin picked it up, the tension was inflated and my attention shifted from hearing his words to the anticipation of when and why the air horn would be used. After the first few uses, I got use to it as not being a threat and began thinking of intent. The monotony, persistence and directing the horn toward the audience I felt was meant to drive us out. When this occurred to me I decided to stick it out and let Devin's piece run its course. At one point (about 1 hr 15 m into it) I tried to calculate the thickness of the pages in relation to time passed and how long it might take to finish the book this way. I considered meeting the challenge, for about an hour. Then I realized practically I couldn't. (The presence of the air horn reminded me a performance a fellow student did when I was in college. He walked in with a brick in one hand and a briefcase in the other. He set the brick on the table, opened the briefcase and removed a pane of glass that he propped against the leg of the table. For about 30 minutes he talked about his experiences in high school playing football - in great detail. At the conclusion of his storytelling he placed the glass in the briefcase, closed it, picked up the brick and walked out.)

There were unforeseen things that crept into my awareness. The pace and rhythm of Devin's delivery was curiously equivalent to the passing of students on the lawn outside the building such that when "of", "to", "and",… was uttered, a new student entered the frame of the window. It created something akin to watching a "pong" video game or space invaders. It was the same rhythm and pacing.

When something repeats endlessly like this, one's attention shifts. The details fade and many other elements come to the fore. Also reminded me of a Cage moment (4'33") - the refocusing of attention.

The main dynamic in class though was the emotional intensity and diversions that occurred. I kept feeling like the class was looking for some kind of referee decision on my part about how to proceed at various points. Since I opted out of the professor role, that didn't go anywhere and I felt the class recognized this pretty quickly. The dynamic shifted throughout which I found compelling - from respect to unsettled to anxious to anger to dismissiveness to dismay to playfulness to competition…. It fluctuated subtly or drastically depending on the moment and the actions/inactions at hand.

Daryl's two dreams I thought were engaging, absurdist and turned the feel of the moment around. The diversion completely changed the perception of the passage of time. There was a relief in the tension. There was a figure/ground relationship that arose - Devin the ground, Daryl the figure. Devin's persistence created the landscape that was continuous. Daryl's dream played in this space and punctuated it as did Corinne's action. The content of the dreams were erotic which played well against the dryness and sterility of Devin's actions. The physicality of Daryl also played well against the stoic body language of Devin.

Corinne's pumpkin-eater also shifted the dynamic but her frustration that no one was doing anything to challenge, change or object to the circumstance seemed grounded in the fact that she wanted to perform TOO. The decision to let Devin go "first" was determined by the fact that she was late in arriving and we decided that Devin should begin. Not knowing of the marathon to come was unfortunate for Corinne but her choice was to go ahead after expressing her frustration (I suppose of being prepared to do a piece that night). I'm not sure that was right to do but it provided another dynamic to the moment that we as audience had to contend with. The dramatized attack on the pumpkin-head - from behind - with the carving knife was violent and raised the tension in the air. Eventually though it seemed to be an inversion of the use of the pumpkin as decorative vs. essential (as food). The animalistic gestures seemed coy and seductive and simultaneously violent. It also seemed a reference to horror/thriller movies and "brain-eating".

The three simultaneous works occurred to me as the archetypal sibling rivalry at one point - each vying for attention and importance- a reactive response. All three actions oscillated between attraction / repulsion in ways I wouldn't have predicted. I found this fascinating.

After leaving class, being the only one left in the room with Devin, I poked my head into the room as I was leaving and thanked him for his efforts. What made me smile (again) was I noticed there was material stuck in his ears - a kind of earplug. At first it seemed he too couldn't handle the volume of the air horn. Then it occurred to me that this material was there from the outset and I hadn't noticed. Either way it made me smile.

I am curious to know how long the performance lasted after I left. I hope Devin finished the book and I hope he writes here also with his impressions of the experience.

Again, thank you all for a most stimulating class.

…also, I wondered what the book was the Devin was reading. I imagined Ulysses, Dante's Inferno, …

a night worth remembering

First, I would like to say that the class was astonishing to me.
Secondly, I think it is impossible to not address Daryl's actions here in the context of the experience (until it's time, as you say).
Thirdly, I am not completely prepared to write here so I will revisit this blog in the very near future. I am still digesting. I plan not to read the other entries until I have written my response.
THANK YOU ALL...more...

Oct 22

I had intentions for this performance. I don't feel like the were executed how I intended. Let me start by saying that Devin's piece was very interesting. He was very devoted to maintaining his action no matter what the disturbance. However, in so doing, I lost all care or meaning in the actual action of the performance, but only paid attention to his persistence- and how much it affected my piece.  That being said, on a more personal note I felt a little offended. Yes, I understand his piece was meant for the entire duration of the class if not longer. However, he knew there were other presentations that evening, and I felt like his piece could have at least gone after. His execution, I believe, still would have succeeded. I did not particularly have a good day yesterday. Coming back from work, I got stuck on 84 for what should have been 5 minutes- for an hour. I stopped to pick up my pumpkin and ended up arriving late. I parked in what should be an ok spot after 4:30, which a professor also assured me would be fine. I ran in to do my piece on time. Then we waited as Devin read articles and prepositions without stopping. I tried to be respectful, and stayed longer than any other class mate with the exception of Gene. When I knew the time for my piece was at risk, I asked the intent so I wouldn't be rude if I proceeded with my own. I figured I'd leave with everyone else, if that was the intention, but I knew his piece was going to last a lot longer. So when Daryl, too, suggested I perform my piece, I decided to do so. I didn't want to, because I really had intended my piece to be by itself. There was a point to that, but clearly I couldn't have it happen. I was going to do the piece out in the hallway, but when I had told Power Boothe earlier that my piece involved a big knife, he said as long as I keep it in the class room. So I couldn't move my piece, and I had gone through such a crap day to perform it, so I did. My appearance may have looked more angered because I expressed that I was a little angry to my fellow classmates before I performed- which was not meant for the piece. I'm just very unhappy it didn't go as I planned. I'm not saying Devin's piece wasn't interesting. It was very. But I just think, out of respect, we give our full attention to each other's performances. Thus in that aspect, to give the artist credit, we shouldn't waste their efforts. If there is more than one performance during our class, and yours is going to last the rest of the time, let someone else go first. I again commemorate you for your persistence, Devin. I just think you could have allowed either me or Daryl to go- or at least have given insight to us beforehand about the duration. It really changed the piece, as Daryl commented. It changed hers too. I could barely pay attention to hers and I would have liked to. I just thought last night was unsuccessful, then, for us all in a way.. Not to mention with all that- I still got a ticket on my car. Bastards want me to give them $100. So pardon my anger. I'm never usually in this crappy of a mood. 

my experience of class 10/22

I came to class having heard from a mutual friend of Devin and I that his performance was going to be very long and involve a loud noise. I normally wouldn't ask about someone's performance beforehand, but I'd been having awful menstrual cramps all day and wasn't feeling particularly receptive to violent or excruciating acts. The main thing I found out was that Devin's performance was supposedly going to last longer than the class period.

I sat and was very on edge for the first half hour because of the air horn. I relaxed when it seemed like nothing would happen, and listened to the patterns of Devin's voice and shifting bodies. I let my vision focus and un-focus on Devin and thought about whether what I saw was what some people call 'auras'. I heard a flock of seagulls! This was fine. I thought about how often we talk about being a captive audience, and assumed that the airhorn was there as a threat and that we were in a hostage situation. I guess it was around this time, about 45 minutes in, that I decided to start testing the rules. Maybe all of our talk about control and trust was making me antsy to not follow standard audience rules. Also, I know I can sit still and listen to things far less interesting than Devin reading particles of speech for 3 hours, so I didn't really feel like going through with this 'test' was necessary, if that's what it was.
So, I started digging through my bag, playing and texting with my cell phone, and writing small notes. None of these things triggered the air horn alarm, so I decided it was time to go to the bathroom. Since I knew that this was going to go on for so long, I didn't feel bad about leaving for some of it, but the anticipation of the airhorn punishment was enough to keep me in my chair for about half an hour after I wanted to go. Suddenly, the airhorn went off and I got out of my chair, reversing cause and effect somehow in my surprise. I went to the bathroom and walked around for awhile and returned to find all of my peers in the hallway. I guess I hadn't actually triggered the airhorn and my apologetic notes weren't necessary, though I'm glad I wrote them.

Corinne was very agitated that this was going on for so long, so I suggested that she just do her performance during Devin's. Even at this point, Devin had defeated duration in my mind and was a static presence, so it was fine to have her action take place next to his being. I watched Corinne rip apart a pumpkin with a smile and eat some of it. I hardly thought about it at all and watched Devin while she did this. It became a much more contained action framed by Devin's infinite reading. I wouldn't have liked it as much without Devin. I stayed almost until the end of class and then left. I felt obligated to stay for awhile because I wanted to pay respect to Devin's endurance and effort as well as the designation of 'class time', and I think that generally this is the reason any of us stayed after the twenty minute mark. However, it was apparent that we weren't meant to see all of this and I wonder if Devin is still reading right now!

testing the email all function...

did you get this? when you post to the blog all are sent the posting via email. gene